I am sad.
I am sitting on top of my friend's desk in my white bay. My work here is done, but I have to wait for my blasted hip-hop class, where I happen to be the worse student, but for which I enrolled in some moment of temporary madness
I notice that the shiny leather on my not-so-old pair of black heels is coming off at the tip.. I wonder whether that happened, across the sleek floors of the office or on the ragged rock-strewn ways of the railway station, I cross every night to get home?
I look up to notice the people around me laughing... I wonder why a crowd is the loneliest place to be in sometimes?
I turn to walk away, its time for my dance class. I notice him sitting there, typing away at his computer.. I wonder why I felt sorry for him, when all he had to say was "keep your opinions to your self"?
I turn away and rush towards the lift. I notice that I have pressed the button for ground,. I wonder why I did that, since my class is on the 2nd floor.
I rush out of the building into the open night, the dance class forcibbly forgotten. I notice its cold enough to make me shiver. I wonder why I am not taking the warm red shuttle parked next to the main gate, and am instead walking the mile and a half to the gate, shivering in my rickety heels?
I notice the darkness, the cars zipping by, the bikes zooming past, the couples laughing, the shuttles stuttering.. I wonder why all this seems to be part of an uninteresting background today?
I notice the scores of little holes all around me on the road, and I wonder why is it that everytime I walk so carefully, my heel always ends up getting stuck in one, while today when I am walking like I don't give a damn I clear them, like they were never there..
I have reached the gate. I notice dozens of auto-wallas vying for my attention... I wonder who is this girl under my skin who is standing here and bargaining like a wizened old woman, when all I care about is getting to that bed to collapse on and cry my lungs out..
I am in the auto and I feel so listless.. like nothing in the world matters.. I notice that a tear just rolled down my cheek.. I wonder why I don't have a clue about when or what happened to made me this sad...
Its a red light and my auto stops with a shudder.. I notice a begger next to my auto trying to get me to put a few coins in his torn cap.. I wonder how he manges not to let them fall out of the numerous holes?
The light is green now, but we are moving slowly with the crowd.. I notice a group of saree-clad women in vibrant greens and jumpy oranges look down at themselves self-consciously as they get their picture clicked in front of a monument of red rocks.. I wonder if the seeing the picture later would make them smile, or would they wish they had done something different?
I notice that the traffic has thinned out and the lights are silent on this stretch of the road.. I wonder how much longer I can hide in my darkness..
I notice the driver of the truck in front driving erratically in the wrong lane.. I wonder if he'll pass a drunk test if a policeman stops him..
The last thing I notice is how soft the crunch of glass sounds as it crashes into a million pieces.. I wonder why it draws so much blood?
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I notice.. I wonder
I am sad.