She looked up at the stars splayed across her ceiling and wondered what was this funny feeling that had left a snake slithering down her cheek and an odd sniff, anything but meek
she looked out of her window at the children kneeling and wondered what was this funny feeling that made her feel so empty inspite of everything around and wrapped her in blankets that blacken out every sound
she looked at the kiss the sun from the ocean was stealing and wondered what was this funny feeling that sent a tingle of memories chasing through her heart and bred emotional hiccups that gave her a start
she looked at an old picture whose edges were peeling and wondered what was this funny feeling that made her laugh and cry at the faces in it and wish they could have trapped time forever in a pit
PS: Listening to "kyu...phoolen ke khile khile se rang udd gaye" from kambakht ishq on repeat... wondering why my cheeks are so wet?
My collar is wet and my eyes are swelled up, but I haven't felt this good in a long time
No i didn't get a new job (one I can at least tolerate, if not love) No I didn't find the love of my life No I didn't read the best book I have ever read No I didn't get a bouquet of 20 roses No I didn't have anyone tell me I am the most beautiful girl in the world or the sweetest creature of God My life hasn't changed all that much
except that I just found an old friend... She was lurking right round the corner, and I never noticed. And then tonight, out of the blue WHAM!! there she was before me, laughing her head off, being her silly goofy self.
We had lost touch for a while, you know, in the motions of life, learning things, unlearning things, making THE BIG decisions, while ignoring the little ones that really mattered... in short---in growing up!!
Tonight, like most nights, I revved up my faithful lappy, checked for mails that never come, half-heartedly replied to the comments on the depressing post I had put up on my blog, logged into gtalk and logged out before anyone got a chance to ping me, put up another one of those historical dramas for download and played the same stage of mario i have been playing for the last 2 months again (again failing to pass it through). I was about to sign off and call it a night when i remembered this dog movie I had downloaded on a wild hunch a couple of days back and forgotten about. Well the sleep angels weren't exactly purring yet, so I decided to dig it out and sample it...
It was there that I met her again...my long lost friend...me... prancing around incessantly, disobeying every command ever thrown her way, chewing on anything she could get her teeth into, loving the people who mattered with every last golden hair on her 100 pound body... all in the skin of " THE WORST DOG IN THE WORLD "--- Marley. Yes, I am talking about the movie "Marley and me".
Sometimes when we are lost and desolate, it is the strangest of things that can get us reaquainted with that friend who is hidden somewhere under all that artily smudged kohl and piles of tic-tacs, under the very visible frown lines and the invisible laugh lines, under the crisp shirt and the choiciest chooridars...the girl who doesn't care if her eyes are puffy because she cried over the death of her favourite book character all night or that her laugh woke up the neighbors down the street at two in the morning, who doesn't care if her t-shirt is on inside out or if her favourite comfy old shorts are coming off at the seams, literally!! Yes, the same one who would end up playing with every little kid she came across...who spent every second of an auto ride looking with wonder at the things passing by... Its strange really when you think that there is no good in the world and that nothing matters anymore, that everyone is selfish (including you) and nothing can touch your heart anymore, a simple story of the journey of a dog and that of the people around him can move you like this, can make you feel again, can make u see yourself again... not only as who you were but who you want to be... who you can be!!!
Yes, you can be that girl in a pair of travelling shoes, clicking away pictures with her phone from the window of a moving bus, yes the one who is not afraid of laughing louder than thunder and makes friends with every dog she lays eyes on... the one who is hoping for a sunnier day... but if it still pours..., well, what the hell!!! there is nothing like a dance in the rain to raise those spirits is there??? :) :)
After ages I actually logged into gtalk and talked to old friends... and then at 1:30 in the morning had a sudden urge to scribble something here. life has been a little topsy turvy recently...made a really hard, life changing decision lost something very important to me with my usual talent for screwing up everything that matters to me made a few new friends in hyd..don't know how long it will last watched angels and demons today...if u separate it from the book it was actually ok but for someone who has read the book and loved it, it was murder, "literally" i am still on bench...nine hours of doing nothing continue, though i have taken to looking up obscure things, case histories, movies etc on Wikipedia as my new hobby and it helps pass the time pretty well... I don't know why i am scribbling all this... may be its been so long since i wrote something, the craving is overwhelming I want to learn to play the guitar i want friends i want to have a good time i want to slim down i want to talk to someone who would make me laugh till my tummy ached i want to travel i want someone to give me company exploring Hyderabad i want to start clicking pictures i want to get soaked to my skin in the rain without being watched i want to feel his breath on my shoulder i want to cook something exotic i want a big close long hug i want to sleep i want to be happy