Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Enough Reason?

I am not usually the silent times.
I am known to have had the loudest voice and the most thunderous laugh any room.
I used to spend hours lost in songs and their meanings.
I used to love to chat and gossip like an old maid and yet they all loved me.
I used to have the best friends in the world, my little circle of love and trust.
I used to have the most photogenic smile in my group.
Whether it was placing an order for food or talking up a complete stranger it was I my friends used to catch ‘coz I could hold a confident conversation with just about anyone.
I used to be the life of any room with my craziness.
I used to have 10 simultaneous windows open in gtalk with something to write in each of them.
I used to spend many a day dancing on top of my bed to some wild tune.
I was a moderate success in just about any work I took up.
I used to spend sleepless nights rolling in bed musing over that greatest mystery…love.

The only time I talk now is on the phone. I am so silent elsewhere, I fear that my voice would disappear.
I can’t remember the last time my laugh sounded like my own.
I listen to songs endlessly on my phone but would be at a loss to answer which song was playing on it.
I don’t gossip, I don’t bitch, I don’t tease and yet everyone seems to hate me.
I have no friends to speak of, no one to trust and can’t remember what a loving hug felt like.
I don’t get my pictures clicked, the smile is too painful to look at.
If someone talks to me I stutter and can’t think of anything to say to a simple question like “what do u dream of?”
I glide in and out of rooms like a ghost and no one even looks up.
I sign into gtalk and can’t chose one window to open from my 200+ contacts.
I don’t dance , ever.
I got my first feedback with “FAILURE” written all over it.
I have lived through the painful reality of love and don’t even have its soothing illusion to hug close to my heart in a lonely night.

Is it enough reason to be a depressed blogger Mr P? or do I need more?


Reeta Skeeter said...

ye kya hai bhai?! u ok?

geet said...

scary pic... you fine?

Little Girl Lost said...

hello. i don't know you, and its only my first visit here. i'm sorry you had to go through this. but i want to tell you that YOU WRITE MAGICALLY
i really loved the way you described yourself and the way you had changed. it was very sad, yet strangely not devoid of humour...
i hope to keep coming back every time you write. and i hope you get back to normal soon. :)
take care. do visit...

umangexuberance said...

bas yar....nothing seems to be going right

I have been better...but i guess i'll live

@little girl lost
that's very sweet of you thanks :)
it would be nice to have you here again and i hope the next time you come, there is a happier post to read

Nikki said...


Hope you are feeling better now. Like always even this phase will pass and soon!

Hang in there and cheer up!

Anonymous said...

Mr. P???

And this sure sounds like a scary time to live in...

What's plan B?

s.H.a.S.h.I said...

maybe .. u just need some time out from reality.. . i knw sumtimes u feel things r not going ur way.. it mite be painful... but hey, there are always light at the end of the tunnel.. so its gonna be alright.. and cheer up, and every1 wanna see ur photogenic smile :)

Priya said...

This too shall pass...

umangexuberance said...

yes I am much better now. Sometimes the situation doesn't change much, but your attitude towards it changes. I guess that is what is happening with me. i am trying to look at it from a more positive angle :)

Ever Hopeful said...

everyone has to go through this phase. The best line is "I don’t gossip, I don’t bitch, I don’t tease and yet everyone seems to hate me." I also relate to it

Hope you are feeling better now

Rajesh said...

Interesting and the fitting snap to the mood of thoughts

umangexuberance said...

@ever hopeful and rajesh
I guess life moves on...we win some we lose some

miracle child!! said...

whts wrong with you ...oye ur wishes me do tao i can fulfill gimme a call whenever u r free..i can make u laugh..and yeah u can trust me ...about rains..i have not learnt the trick to bring down rains in hyd but i will try learning before i learn java shit.
sleeping u can have larpose/compose but take only half mg tablet otherwise u will sleep forever :P..
cook grilled fish and chips its easy do you want me to send u the algo of steps to make it?
these things tao i can do ...call me anytime :)...c'moen cheer up . tu to mere se bhi zyada depressed sound kar rhe hai ...and u cant tr that :P