Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pretensions...


I was watching T.V. and for a change there was this program different from your usual "saas bahu" pollutants.

It was something called "Mahi Way", about this fat girl and her ups and downs in life...

At first it made me laugh, but then she said something about how we pretend to be someone we are not because who we are is too scary to be...and I realized how true that is...

I realized that sometimes we pretend so hard not to pretend that we almost make ourselves believe that we are not in faact pretending...

So I am going to take a leaf out of her book and let it all out of my tummy up into the air:


1) I am not as sad as I make myself believe I am or should be and I am not as happy as my laugh is loud.

2) I make fun of me being fat not because I am cool with it or because I don't care, but I think doing it before anyone else does, makes it less humiliating (it actually doesn't, I just like to tell myself it does).

3) I pretend that I know I am ugly and that I have accepted it.

I actually think my cheeks are the prettiest shade of pink and my slightly upturned nose is like a cute cherry, that I have the sexiest of lips and the sweetest of smiles, that the fat gives me curves and that my hair (though i like to call them unmanageable) form the most gorgeous of curles the night after i wash them... I truly believe I am bautiful, I am just waiting for everyone else to wake up and see that...

4) I pretend that I love serious books and that MBs are just for brainless chicks... nothing beats a night spent reading one of those old timer MBs, full of subtle romance and grand gestures...

5) I have always said I like rock music, because I thought that is what cool people do... it gives me a headache

6) I pretend about the number of guys who asked me out...

7) I love walking around my house in my bathrobe, not because its comfortable, like I like to say, but even though it makes me sweat like a pig in the summers, it makes me feel like one of those heroines from old English movies, sensual and graceful.

8) I pretend that I am all grown up and mature and am sooooo over mush...

the truth is sexually explicit flirting turns me off... I would rather be called a doll and pampered than be called a bitch and fucked

9) I don't give myself roses because I love them and like giving them to me... its just a way to tell others to give them to me and make me feel special

10) I tell myself over and over again that I hate Hyderabad and want to move closer home, the truth is I love the freedom it has given me

11) I pretend to be sooooo happy when my friends are happy and fall in love...the truth is I feel jealous that its not I who am in their shoes...

12) I pretend to be a cynic who doesn't believe in love anymore, the truth is I am still waiting for my prince to climb the tower and carry me off to his palace in the skies, to love me and cherish me above all else...the truth is watching pretty woman still makes me laugh and cry at the same time...

13) I pretend i never dream, the truth is every night before I sleep, I like to think one fantasy love story... I actually have an imaginary guy, who loves me and hugs me to sleep, everytime the real ones break my heart...

14) I pretend to be a miss-know-it-all, but the truth is, most times, I am like a rabbit frozen in front of a pair of headlights on a dark summer night...

15) I pretend to have more friends than I can count, the truth is I am just that little girl, whose Birthday party noone wants to come to...

8 comments:

iamyuva said...

that remake of latam serial..in US..called 'Ugly Betty'.. and i see it made its way to indian TV screens.. hmm...

>>1,2,3,... not to be preachee..I surely hope you dont define yourself with your looks/shape/size.. and dont let other do it too..
>>4..you too-- just another gal..;D)
>>12 & 13..that the impact of too much of MBs...;)
>>15..count me when iam in ur town- iam always up for bday parties- eating cakes..

Nikita Banerjee said...

I don't care anymore what people think of me...I am not just saying this. A couple of years back I had a major setback when i realised I can't be liked by everyone...Hence I am me and I don't care.

Zubin said...

This is so well written.
I am left with nothing to say or write or comment upon..

But I think I see parallels b/w you and me..!

And its pretty simple, you are sometimes so lost in the character that you are pretending to be...that you forget yourself..and the reality around you..
Thats exactly what my recent post was about.. :p

On a side note: stop describing the way you look..people will fall in love.. :p

DreAmgiRL said...

Babe - I so want to come to your bday party :)
And @ 11/12 :Sigh: I can feel it too :(

geet said...

its always good to be aware of the things you do! some people are not even aware of that and think that(pretentions) their life and still feel something is wrong!

and believe almost all humans pretend in some or the other situation...

you are toooooo young to worry about this.. go out and parrty with friends or do what you like please!.

pooja said...

its well written ..
pretending has become a way of life ..we can easily see when someone else is faking , and get critical about it ..but we fail to see ourselves doing the same ..

Rajat said...

Why would I pretend, I would be myself..

lucifier said...

Hey Queen Bee u r the best :)