Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Inside the bubble


I am sitting at my desk, feet on the upturned dustbin, no work to talk of, grey raxine-like walls converging into a cone behind the black dell monitor, a white board blank except for a blue date of three days back marking one top corner. The outside world is blocked out by curvatious black headphones singing “o saathi re” into numbed ears. An e-book version of salman rushdie’s “satanic verses” has been fished out of the long-forgotten archives of my C-drive and is being devoured with a demonic hunger. g-talk is logged out, both cell phones lie lost and ignored in a heap in my little black bag of endless mysteries and intrigue…

After a long time, I am not bored, not sad, not lonely…I am the girl with pigtails sprawled across a rope-bed on a brick terrace in an obscure town of Punjab, drowsily reading one loved book after another, dreamily jumping from one fantasy frame into the next, while the winter sun teased the hair on her pink payjama clad legs…untouched from the world outside, her innocence virginal in its ignorance of the intricacies of lies, betrayals and untouched by lives which are nothing but farces…
I want to live this fantasy forever…never want to take off these headphones…never want to ever worry about what who thinks about me…never want to hear another lie…never want to laugh at a joke I don’t find funny…never want to share confidences with a false friend…never want to pretend to feel things I don’t…
I want to be the epileptic prophetess Ayesha one second and her ignorant sinful archangel the next. I want to swish my angry tail in desperation like the not-so-evil devil and the throw my head back as the rebellious Mishal and kick out.

I want to be a drop of time, with the universe rolled into one…
I want to be the daughter of a king and the man who killed her for a son…
I want to be a bubble in full flight, out of reach of every bursting pin…
I want to be the taint in everything pure and the virtue in the heart of every sin…
I want to be the beauties and their loving beast
And the girl who had butterflies for a feast…


Today,

I don’t want to love
I don’t want to be loved
I don’t want a kiss or a cuddle
I don’t want sweet nothings whispered into my sleepy ears
I want to be left alone in my bubble of self
I want to be free of everything…every chain, every pain, every relationship, every obligation, every desire, every smoldering fire…

10 comments:

how can i explore ME... said...

nice one....:)

Rakesh said...

what happened to your posts about being in love!!!

I don’t want to love
I don’t want to be loved...


The inevitable?

lucifier said...

well sometimes u gotta be alone .. away from this world even i feel this urge to break away many times
Nicely written keep the words flowing

Blue Kite Dreamz said...

"I am the girl with pigtails sprawled across a rope-bed on a brick terrace in an obscure town of Punjab, drowsily reading one loved book after another, dreamily jumping from one fantasy frame into the next, while the winter sun teased the hair on her pink payjama clad legs…untouched from the world outside, her innocence virginal in its ignorance of the intricacies of lies, betrayals and untouched by lives which are nothing but farces…"

Go woman.. go...the frame waits for you..

rahul said...

really nice..and today I also have no work in ofc :)....and ultimately freedon is what we all require..and that kind of eludes coz we are free when we just BE..that I feel is most difficult!!

Nikki said...

After a long time I have enjoyed reading a post this much! Great going and a great blog!

Impressionist said...

I loved those lines!
sweet

-I

geet said...

even the post has some not so happy feelings still i liked it. in my terms i say this feeling as 'nothing'. take care. and yea i am doing ok,recovering.

s.H.a.S.h.I said...

hey queen bee... how uve been.. kya started blogging bataya bi nai :P
hows life?? where ru these days ??

nice lines btw... sumtimes its great to be away frm all the emotions and obligations. .as u say in ur own bubble !! but bubbles eventually break..

umangexuberance said...

@all thanks a lot guys...sorry for being so late in replying the comments...been off blogger for a while but will try to be more regular now :)